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I know I told you you wouldn't hear from me and am sure you meant it when you said you were fine with that, but I know you won't ever see this, and I'm not going to bug you by emailing it. I just have to let some things out--somehow.
I won't apologize but instead will say that I wish I hadn't fallen so quickly, arrogant enough to be sure I was the different kind of person you wanted. I know you tried; you gave us several chances, and I do appreciate it. I also know you tried not to hurt me and tried to treat me gently; I was too stubborn to believe we couldn't work and to believe I could "win you over" when there was no chance of that happening.
But I will apologize for how it finally ended. I'm so fucking sorry for the things I said to you. I know that you weren't trying to close yourself off and that the things that I found difficult about you are not all your fault. Like you said, things happen in life that affect you in ways you may not ever realize, and you didn't deserve to be hurt in any way at all--especially by someone who said he cared about you so much (and I did). I know that is just exemplary of the immaturity you saw in me.
You are not a terrible person, and I really am glad I was with you for the short time I was able to be. You reignited a lot of things in my heart and mind, and you showed me that life doesn't suck.
As hard as it may be for you to believe, you were one of the best things that ever happened to me.
W I smile to her face and never raise my voice to her. I listen when she speaks and try to respond with kind words. I know it's tough but at some point it has to come to an end. I guess I just learned to deal with the fact sooner than she did. I guess it helps that I haven't been playing house with the replacement like she has been.
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